A live-in helper changes the rhythm of the whole home. Even a close relative needs to know whether they are expected to cook, care for an older child, do laundry or simply be available for company. Discuss the arrangement while everyone has time to think, rather than relying on goodwill to answer every question later.
Describe the work and the hours
List the main jobs you hope the helper will own and ask which they can do. Include the surrounding work: cooking may involve shopping and cleaning up, while school transport may require authorized pickup and access to the right vehicle. Do not assume a person can do everything because they are staying overnight.
Agree on periods when they are off duty. A helper who is always technically present may feel unable to take a break, while parents may assume they are available whenever needed. A simple daily pattern can make expectations clearer without turning the home into a rigid timetable.
If overnight help is part of the arrangement, discuss exactly what that means within the family's care plan. Do not leave it as an undefined promise to 'take the baby at night'. Everyone involved needs to understand the agreed tasks and follow current care and safety guidance.
Make shared space workable
Show the helper where they can keep belongings and which rooms remain private. Discuss bathroom routines, food preferences, quiet periods and whether other guests may visit. These details can seem small until the household is tired and every room is being used.
Keep adult rest space available. If the only spare room is needed for rest at certain times, explain that before offering it as permanent guest accommodation. The helper may prefer a nearby alternative if the home cannot meet everyone's needs.
Agree on money for groceries, transport or other expenses. Clarify what you are offering and what the helper expects to cover. Avoid relying on hints, especially when travel costs or an extended stay are involved.
Keep advice separate from the job
A live-in helper sees more of daily life and may be tempted to comment on every choice. Tell them how you want questions or concerns raised. They can ask whether advice is wanted, and the parents can direct clinical questions to their care team instead of debating them at every meal.
Discuss photographs and information sharing as well. Being inside the home does not give permission to report private details to a wider family group. Tell the helper what can be shared and who will send updates.
Set an end date and a review conversation
Choose an expected departure date, even if it can be changed by agreement. An open-ended stay can make it difficult for either side to admit that the arrangement needs adjusting. Plan a brief check-in after the first few days to ask what is helpful and what is tiring.
If the stay needs to end earlier, thank the person for what they have done and state the new arrangement clearly. Before they leave, have them hand over the routines or supplies they have been managing. The goal is support the household can use, with enough clarity that gratitude does not require ignoring everyone's limits.
Agree how to raise a problem before it becomes a grievance
Choose a brief daily moment for practical feedback if that suits everyone. The parents might need less conversation in the morning; the helper might need clearer meal plans or an uninterrupted break. Naming these as adjustments is easier than waiting until someone feels their whole contribution has been rejected.
Use examples tied to the task: 'Please check before inviting another relative over,' or 'I need to know by the afternoon whether I am cooking dinner.' Avoid broad judgments such as 'you never help' or 'you are too particular'. Specific information makes a change possible.
If the helper cannot meet an essential boundary, change the arrangement rather than repeatedly asking the household to tolerate it out of gratitude. A shorter visit, different job or separate accommodation may work better. When none does, ending the stay can be the clearest option for everyone involved.
